Sunday, May 22, 2011

"The Spoon Theory"

If you love Jim, (and I know you do), watch this:

Jim watched this and cried.  It's true, it's really like this.  He cried because he is ALWAYS borrowing spoons from tomorrows stash.  He is still trying to deny his supply is limited.  Everyday he pushes himself, because he thinks he can, he thinks he should, he thinks others think he can, he thinks others think he should, he feels guilty, he feels embarrassed, he feels helpless and out of control.
I cried because although I "get it" I will never truly know what it feels like and the truth is that it is hard to be the "healthy one" and always make room for what is going on with the "ill one".  Sometimes I am tired or sick or just sick-and-tired.  I feel cheated too.  But still.  I am thankful for these types of reminders.  I am thankful Jim and I can talk and share our thoughts and feelings - though we don't always do it well or with enough care and compassion.  We keep on trying.  I am thankful for him, and all his spoons - and all mine because I know if he lets me I can use my seemingly limitless supply to make up for those he does not have or those he is reserving for later use.
If you see Jim out and about or at a gathering, just know, he is using his spoons just to be there.

3 comments: said...

Can't wait to see you and enjoy one of Jim's spoons ...I hope!! You write so beautifully! love Great Aunt Barbara and John

luckypennymake said...

Oh, Sara. I love you guys. I'm in tears. Thanks for helping me understand.

Jennifer Stover said...

My mother-in-law had lupus and my sister-in-law had MS. Thank you for posting this and helping me understand them a little better.